Shaquille O'Neal

is being swarmed by African children

who are jumping up and down

because he’s holding over his head

a stack of boxes

of AIDS medication.

In a laboratory at MIT, a few engineers

are about to solve our oil crisis,

right when Shaquille O’Neal enters,

stomps out all their hydroelectromagnawhatses,

and throws their transmiterographers

out the window.

Shaquille O’Neal, on a rampage through the streets

where he pees on homeless people,

forces our pets to give him fellatio,

and shakes the hands of Congressmen.

Shaquille O’Neal, travelling

from country to country, dropping bombs

on innocent civilian suspected terrorists

and single-assedly causing catastrophic climate change

with his farts.

The world watches in horror

as Shaquille O’Neal continues his campaign

of dastardly destruction.

No one can stop him.

No one can stop

Big Shamrock,

the Big Aristotle,

Diesel,

the Monster of the Midway,

the Big Shaqtus,

the Big Cordially,

Superman,

Shaq Daddy.

Call him what you want,

but Shaquille O’Neal cannot be stopped.

The reign of terror is here.

This is how the world ends:

flumes of smoke

and screams of horror

siren from the horizon

as Shaquille O’Neal confidently

slams it home.

!!!